control. perfection.
"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps" - Proverbs 16:8
2 weeks, 2 exams down.
am still recovering from the tiredness of 4 weeks of (intensive) interview prep. throw 3 exams and 3 assignments into the recipe and you get potential mental breakdown. Craziness.
I'm quite happy I passed my actuarial exam. 2/3rd of the class failed; I suppose He's in control.
But today, macro3 exam. disappointing. I don't think I will fail, but for econs, fail is not just about not getting a hd grade. in econs, fail to me is when i am confident of my material, yet i don't know what i'm blabbering about in my exam. fail is when i fall short from a near-perfect attempt - simply but, fail is when i am not the best, or at least the best few.
i suppose there aren't many people that i can talk about these challenging targets i set for myself. the whole idea of wanting to be the BEST in econs probably stemmed from my first exam in ANU, which was micro1, where i came in tops. i was clearly ahead of everyone else then, so i thought i'd keep working on what i excel in - an avenue to 'signal' my abilities. it's the subject that i would shed sweat and tears (maybe blood) to come out on top; i wanted to be really good at something. something that i am in control all the time.
control. i just lost it during that 2 hours of midsem. kind of expecting some positive outcome after lavishing so many hours on just this subject. i always KNOW if i have done well or not for this course, doing it on my own might. i wonder if God's telling me to let it go. trust in His strength, in His providence.
or is this another arrow sign from God telling me about what I should do in the future?
so many questions in my head right now. should i move or stay? choose left or choose right? how long? what?
yesterday i had group study for 4 hours straight, and i had a massive headache when i tried to sleep. i must be turning insane.
stop learning to trust in Him. Start trusting Him instead.
*this is a rant, hate writing like this but my mind is too messy right now*
"everywhere is an option until God says no" - Ps Margaret, during her sermon 'get your wheels turning'. she was speaking in the context of Acts 16:6-8
2 weeks, 2 exams down.
am still recovering from the tiredness of 4 weeks of (intensive) interview prep. throw 3 exams and 3 assignments into the recipe and you get potential mental breakdown. Craziness.
I'm quite happy I passed my actuarial exam. 2/3rd of the class failed; I suppose He's in control.
But today, macro3 exam. disappointing. I don't think I will fail, but for econs, fail is not just about not getting a hd grade. in econs, fail to me is when i am confident of my material, yet i don't know what i'm blabbering about in my exam. fail is when i fall short from a near-perfect attempt - simply but, fail is when i am not the best, or at least the best few.
i suppose there aren't many people that i can talk about these challenging targets i set for myself. the whole idea of wanting to be the BEST in econs probably stemmed from my first exam in ANU, which was micro1, where i came in tops. i was clearly ahead of everyone else then, so i thought i'd keep working on what i excel in - an avenue to 'signal' my abilities. it's the subject that i would shed sweat and tears (maybe blood) to come out on top; i wanted to be really good at something. something that i am in control all the time.
control. i just lost it during that 2 hours of midsem. kind of expecting some positive outcome after lavishing so many hours on just this subject. i always KNOW if i have done well or not for this course, doing it on my own might. i wonder if God's telling me to let it go. trust in His strength, in His providence.
or is this another arrow sign from God telling me about what I should do in the future?
so many questions in my head right now. should i move or stay? choose left or choose right? how long? what?
yesterday i had group study for 4 hours straight, and i had a massive headache when i tried to sleep. i must be turning insane.
stop learning to trust in Him. Start trusting Him instead.
*this is a rant, hate writing like this but my mind is too messy right now*
"everywhere is an option until God says no" - Ps Margaret, during her sermon 'get your wheels turning'. she was speaking in the context of Acts 16:6-8
thoughts of tanoshi at 6:16 PM
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